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Reliefby Ven. Thubten Gyatso |
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Ever since Sigmund Freud demonstrated the long-term danger of suppressed emotions and memories, freedom of self-expression has grown within our collective psyche to become an inalienable right of every individual and the best indicator of a free and healthy society. I do not intend to discuss the pros and cons for this belief, I simply want to present the Buddhist position that relief can best be achieved by extinguishing disturbing emotions rather than by suppressing or expressing them. At the Cosmos Centre in Amsterdam, a birth place of the New-Age movement, or Dolphin-Worshipping as I prefer to call it, my teacher, Lama Yeshe, was once giving a talk on controlling emotions. Puzzled by the sound of muffled screams coming from the basement, Lama Yeshe asked what was happening. It was explained, with embarrassment, that there was a healing group whose method of freeing the mind from disturbing emotions was for people to strip naked and mingle with each other in a concrete-lined room (that could be hosed down afterwards), hurling faeces and abuse at each other. "Really?" said Lama Yeshe, his raised eyebrows and wide eyes beautifully expressing the huge gulf between Buddhist and new-age psychology. The unresolved issues in our lives and relationships are like knives sticking into our bodies that are twisted every time they come to mind - with guilt for the stupid things we have done or resentment towards what others have done to us. We have psychological mechanisms, such as denial and suppression, to avoid these memories, but mostly they are in our immediate awareness all the time. So much so that we do lose our freedom of expression. Conversations at the dinner table become minefields where we have to carefully avoid certain topics in order to prevent emotional outbursts and the same old arguments. Our lives become half-truths as we pretend to be more happy than we are, seeing no alternative to making the best out of a situation we would prefer not to be in at all. Self-justification is useless. We have to reason to ourselves again and again that we were right and the other was wrong and, no matter how clear our argument, our adversary cannot see reason. Our logic only makes them more angry. If we want peace in this and future lives, we must free ourselves from the burden of guilt and resentment by facing up to our own involvement in troublesome situations. When we were at fault, our mistake always arose from selfishness, anger, or desire. Even when others harmed us, there was usually something from our side, such as pride or jealousy, that precipitated or worsened the situation. At least, there was a karmic imprint created by these emotions that caused it to happen. The first step in gaining freedom from guilt is to admit we possess selfishness, anger, and attachment, recognise their faults, and generate sincere remorse for the harm we have caused others. If the doctor says we have tuberculosis, we will not feel guilty that TB is in our body, we will enthusiastically follow whatever treatment the doctor recommends to free ourselves from that germ. In the same way, we should see our selfishness, anger, and so on as diseases and determine to eliminate them. Resentment is overcome by acknowledging that those who hurt us were under the influence of the same mental illnesses and, in many cases, their resultant suffering is much worse than our own. The second step in healing our mind is to generate compassion for those we have hurt and those who have hurt us. This is supported by confidence in Buddha's diagnosis of the root cause of our problems, and his prescription of wisdom as the ultimate medicine. Compassion opens our heart to the third step - forgiving, apologising, and doing something to mend the effects of our past harmful actions. We can care for humans or animals in danger of harm, hunger, or sickness. If we have stolen things we can practise generosity, and so on. The final step is to strongly determine to not repeat the same harmful action in the future. If we do relapse, which is likely because selfishness, anger, and attachment are deeply rooted within our minds, we should still not feel guilty. We should use the experience to increase our resolve to avoid the action in the future. Openly admitting our own faults in troublesome situations, and determining to abandon them, is not suppression. It bestows progressive control over disturbing emotions and enables us to face the difficulties of life with patience, love, and enthusiasm to help others, rather than worrying about not getting what we want for ourselves. These four steps give relief
from our troubles by weakening and eventually destroying negative
karmic imprints and the seeds of disturbing emotions themselves, and
they render our relationships constructive and sources of happiness.
This is so much better than hurling shit at each other. Gyatso
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This teaching is by the Venerable Thubten Gyatso (previously Dr Adrian Feldmann), an Australian monk and old friend now working in Mongolia. One of the senior students of Lama Yeshe, Lama Zopa Rinpoche (and also Geshe Roach) he is currently teaching at the FPMT centre in Ulaan Baatar. These teachings originally appeared in his local English language newspaper in Ulaan Baatar and arereproduced with his permission. Thanks
to Diane Olander (pelmo@got.net),
these teachings first
appeared on the Internet on the website (www.gepeling.org)
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