Posted by Desiree (188.8.131.52) on April 21, 2000 at 17:46:02:
For those who don't remember me, I am the one who was have problems with her buddist boyfriend. Since that posting he had broke up with me. While I was dating him, I tried to find out why he did or said the things that he would say to me. In my search, I came upon this forum. Thankfully, the forum has given me some answer to my questions of the time.
Now, a late comer (better late than never), emailed me about my posting. That email prompted me to go back to this site and browse over the teachings. 2 of them caught my interest:The one that says "when someone is hurt or angry,it is because they believe that they have been wronged by that person unexpectively" and the other said "one should right a wrong". In a nut shell.
I emailed a buddhist friend [Hi =0)], who suggested that I post my personal insight on this forum. So, here goes...
I had called my ex, at work and told him to never contact me. A little extreme, I know but he never apologized to me for what he did. Besides why should I surround myself with someone who does not realize when they have wronged someone. Whenever, I hurt someone, I try to apologize to that person. It makes them feel better and besides you won't get that negative vibe when you are around them. Even if you think that they have forgotten what you did, believe me they never forget.People who are hurt never forget, the one who do the hurtings always forget (everyone still remembers that highschool bully).
One the last night that I talked with my exboyfriend, he would say to me "Des, I don't want to hate you." Now that my head is out of the love cloud, I now realize how dumb that statement was. Why? Someone is going to hate you no matter how nice or mean you are to them. Now, I realize how silly it was for me to alter what I said to him so that he wouldn't HATE ME. If someone was a true friend anything that I said would be the truth and not what they wanted to hear. Now that statement "Des, I don't want to hate you." does not fall into the Buddist or Judeo framework.
So if you wrong someone, apologize. Even if it was 1 year ago, they will still remember. Also, people should not have to please you so that you won't hate them.
Okay, I am done. Sorry for the short details on my breakup, it would take too much space to explain.
So what do you all think?
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