Confused and scared about the truths I'm discovering

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Posted by Alejandra on November 28, 1998 at 20:08:58:

My life has completely changed in the last few months. I've gone from being a vain, thrill seaking, competative girl to someone who is slowly realising how foolish vanity, fashion, body image, power, ect is.
I feel alone and afraid to let go of my possesions, my job, my need for security. My life has also become very simple, at times this makes me very happy like when I go for a long walk, at other times every thing seems pointless and I long for the excitment of drama, of complications. On one hand I've stopped trying to diet for example because I'm doing it for the wrong reasons, I'm doing it for approval, for my ego, and for power, on the other hand I miss the admiration. I'm also greedy, I look to external things for fulfillment, food, money, possesions. I STRUGGLING because what I actually want and what I know I should do are currently two different things

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