An instant death

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Posted by Society-Outcast ( on June 20, 2000 at 00:58:18:

Dear ???

At last,

At last I have what I've found what I've been searching for all these years. Today I would like to share with you some of my feelings and thoughts. In this life, all I could find was the pain, the suffering that resides inside of me for so long, today I would like to share part of what is most concerns me. All these times, I have often think of death (suicide) thinking of how I would end this life as soon as possible, because I find no contentment, no joy in this life. I had so many bad feelings and thoughts about my life, and don't know who I should talk to or share with, so I bore it painfully and secretly. All the time, I only feel pain, loneliness, and sadness, frustrated, and desperated to live another day, I am so desperated that only death would ease my mind. I can no longer feel the joy, the light of this world, I don't know what I should do, I wanted it so much that a peace and a quiet life would suits me better. I often think that if I die now, in the afterlife, I would reincarnate and becomes a little monk, growing up in a monastery, a temple or wherever those monks lived. I yearn for a quiet, neat and beautiful pagoda or temple, where there is Buddha preaching and a life of vegeterian, where there is no noise, where there is birds chirping, sunshine all the time, and I would hear the sound of tapping the bell, where I would get away from society and anything that deals with pain and suffering. There, I would find my true contentment, and hoping to become an Enlightment, find a way to get out of death, pain, sickness, old and everything that caused human to reborn again in this world. Please give me some advice, I am desperate and if only I got a strong will to make up my mind now and lead a life as a monk.

Best wish,

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