Advice Please

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Posted by tazlah ( on July 28, 2000 at 22:33:03:

My father is 50 years old and is going to have quad bypass surgery on Aug.15. He is Not a Buddhist nor will he ever be one; however, I am a "beginner Buddhist" and have done extensive reading; I meditate daily and try to practice Buddhist philosophy. My father is the type of man who doesn't know how to let small things that bother him just slide. Right now he is soooooo worked up about his surgery, anxious to have it over with, nervous (obviously), upset that this is happening "20 years too soon". I try to tell him that he has to calm down. I try to give him relaxation advice and have suggested meditation; he just is so adverse to hearing those sort of comments. I realize that it is difficult facing your own mortality and he reminds me constantly that I am not the one in this position right now. I am soooo afraid that he is going to have himself a heart attack prior to his surgery, thus killing himself! I don't know what to tell him. I have lots of books on relaxation and meditation but he is NOT a reader. Everything I say right now just seems so trivial and he doesn't want to hear it. Besides, he is driving everyone crazy -- no one can say anything right. Everyone is walking on eggshells -- we don't want to upset Dad! I have extremely nervous especially about the night right before his surgery. How do we keep him calm, relaxed?

I have decided to ask for the advice of the Buddhist Sangha.

PLEASE -- If anyone has any sort of experience with this sort of thing, please help me to help him. If you had major life-giving surgery, how did you face the days, moments prior to your surgery? If you are someone in my position, as a very concerned, loving family member, how did you keep your loved one calm? How do I help him?

Thank you for your comments. Tazlah

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