Re: Please advice!

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Posted by Sergio ( on August 11, 2000 at 10:02:10:

In Reply to: Please advice! posted by Peter on August 11, 2000 at 07:32:44:

Well Peter, Iíve had girlfriends in the past and my Buddhist tendency has made me break with them. Although being honest, it was not my Buddhist tendency, but my not Buddhist attitude. It was more important to me to make her see how great is Buddhism instead of cultivating love and happiness with her.

I had to learn painfully the lesson, but now I have a girlfriend since 6 months ago and perhaps it is the best relationship I ever had. We are really happy and we share together great moments. She knows Iím Buddhist, but I have never tried to convince her about my spiritual tendencies or something like that. In fact, she is catholic. I never talk about Buddhism with her, and she knows how important it is for me. I donít have the neurotic tendency to make other people see things as I see (through Buddhistís eyes), simply because it doesnít work with everyone.

I think that the problem with your girlfriend is not Buddhism, but you. She feels that you have left her for Buddhism. The Buddhist attitude is simply: care about others. I think that all she wants is that, instead of your selfish attitude of ďmy new spiritual discovery is more important than you, so Iíll go to India. Go to hell, thanksĒ.

I donít want to be aggressive with you but it was the kind of attitude I use to have, and because you canít be so different to me, it most be very similar.

My lama says that the Buddhaís discovery is that the mind is the source of happiness and suffering, not something external. If your mind is sick right here, it will be also sick in India. You should think about working with your mind instead of working with your residency. And if you love her, and if you really care about her, then you should show it. Buddhism is a tool to work with our attitudes, and our daylily life is the place to work with them, also the people close to us. You canít escape from suffering changing residency. This is the typical neurotic idea of new Buddhist.

I hope it be useful


: Hello everyone,
: I have a big concern that I hope that someone of you might help me with. Or at least give me some advice on what to do.
: I have a girlfriend since 2 years back. We have been living together for about 1 year. About 7 months ago I started reading a lot on Buddhism and I like it, I like it a lot. I now consider myself to be a buddhist even though I haven't gone for refuge. The reason I haven't gone for refuge is simple, there aren't any buddhist temples in our country, at least not what I know of.
: My girlfriend is having a hard time about me being a buddhist and she thinks that it is all mumbojumbo. She isn't Christian nor does she believe in anything else. I have tried to tell her about the things I've read about but she just won't listen.
: I feel that I want to go to a temple and go for refuge and also dedicate myself more to Buddhism. The problem is my girlfriend, what about her. She would get furious if I would tell her that I want to go to India for a couple of months to learn more about buddhism.
: This is so hard, I don't want to hurt anyone but on the other hand I can't lie to myself and not care about buddhism. It has become so much for me already.
: Please help me and tell me what you think I should do.
: Thanks,
: Peter

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