Posted by Michael Pollard (184.108.40.206) on November 08, 2000 at 11:01:37:
In Reply to: Confusions posted by Minimol on November 07, 2000 at 17:32:27:
Well, I haven't had the experience of this feeling, but perhaps it has something to do with insight. Not real deep insight, like life changing, but instead that your disatisfaction with the world is coming to the surface now that your allowing it. Many people that do Zazen experience something called Mayko, hallucinations. These are past sounds, smells, uncontrolable motion, strange feelings and emotions. Because the mind is stilled more in meditation then elsewhere things that float about in the mind are more likely to arise in meditation. Here's an expample of this sort of thing from "The three pillars of Zen" by Roshi Philip Kapleau:
...finally reaching a fainting state. Just before this state erupted I began to feel the most profound and agonizingsorrow, with which came violent shivering spasms and a gnashing of my teett. Nervous paroxysms shook my body again and again. I wept bitterly and writhed as though a torrent of electricity were surging through me. Then I began to perspire profusely. I felt that the sorrows of the entier universe were tearing at my abdomen and that I was being into a vortex of unbearable agonies.
-- Page 274
This may be pretty long, and not quite the same thing as your depression. But the fact that meditation of Zazen can elicite such feelings and emotions suggests to me that it can cause dissatisfaction with worldly life because it unearths those feeling we always had but didn't pay attention to. Or that we realized that this was how things were. Please, don't take me as an authority or say this is mayko just because I siggest it. Others here will likely have other answers. If you start to think of this as an insight, don't take it a a big one, but us this feeling to propel you along the path. I don't know what to say, and am thinking of not posting this; if you see this, then I posted:) Remember, meditation can be thought of as a war on ego, and materialistic values are a mainstay of the ego. Then again, so is Buddhism. The difference is that Buddhism will take you beyond ego to a better place, materialism holds you within ego. Gee, I hope that any of my errors are corrected. Metta.
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