Re: Buddhist v.s. non-Buddhist spouse?


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Posted by Sergio on February 19, 19100 at 13:10:06:

In Reply to: Buddhist v.s. non-Buddhist spouse? posted by Blueocean on February 16, 19100 at 08:43:47:

Dear Bluocean:

Each time I hear someone like you talking about that in this site, I make the same comment:

when my lama is asked about this issue, he always says: be with your husband as a Buddha, not as a Buddhist. There is a very importat difference between those words. You say that you want to help him to realize that hapiness is only in his mind, but I tell you: If you really belived that, you wouldn't feel unhappy with this situation. The point is that you should see this circunstance as an opportunity and not as a problem, all is in your mind. You MUST NOT give up your way of life or Buddhist tendencies to make him happy, but you also shouldn't try to impose your view and desires to him. Remember that a Buddha never tries to "convert" people to his philsophy. A Buddha always accepts people like they are, because he doesn't have any neurotic tendency to change the world to the way he would like it was. So I think you should do the same with your husband. However, I understand that there are some extremes circunstances, so If that's your case, maybe you should give up the relationship because it is affecting your dharma practice. Remember that anyone is as important as the dharma, because dharma is your ticket for freedom. But if I were you, I'd first check if the problem is your tendency and attemps to change him. Perhaps he is angry because you want to make him as you want he be. Remember that a strong mind always controls and influences a weak one. If your way of life is based in the Buddha's style of life, If you have a strong refugee in the 3 jewels and if you are really sure about following the Buddha's way of life as a priority, then your attitude will be so strong that it will affect him, and you will not need to try to change him, he will change. He will change because he will have a very positive and powerfull influence by you, stronger than his mind. And if this doesn't happen, then the relationship will end by nature, and it may be the best.

I hope this be usefull.


Sergio


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