Posted by mike (126.96.36.199) on March 16, 2000 at 12:57:55:
In Reply to: too scared, mind WONT examine itself... posted by lesley on March 04, 2000 at 21:27:03:
: I know what I need to start doing but when I try to sit and explore my mind I get restless and it grows into a panic attack.
Leslie, I have also experienced the state of panic you describe when meditating. For me, this has entailed forgoing serious meditation and concentrating on purification practices. These practices (Vajrasattva and 35 Buddhas) can do infinitely more for your Karma than a forced meditation. I have even found that prolonged meditation exacerbates my condition so that it enters normal activity. Be careful, and don't do more than you can handle. Deal with your issues in an active way first and then when you feel whole enough you can start meditation. I personally think it is more important to become close to the Buddha's emotionally than to become some hot-shot meditator. Faith in the blessings of the Buddha's helf is the most important factor for any meditation. Their blessings are there but we must work through stuff, even suffer for it. Don't feel obliged to become like other meditator's. They might have different Karma to you. Dealing with imprints with prostrations, mantras and prayer is much, much more pressing for an agitated mind than deep meditation. Again, don't force it. Do as much as is comfortable, and when the panic comes see it for what it is, relax, breathe and do something else. Even now I am loathe to undertake long periods of meditations for the same reason. I see it as a different disposition. We are not all contemplatives. The New Age idea that we can all be Yogis in a short time is dangerous and ludicrous. Prayer is just as fulfilling and legitimate spiritually as meditation. Don't feel pressured by appearances. God(and the Buddhas) work in mysterious ways. Purity of intention is all that finally counts, not attainments.
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